Very Good News for Very Old Men

Good news for sleep-deprived citizens across the nation! Our nights of getting five hours of sleep by staying up too late watching baseball playoff games may soon be over!

Major League Baseball and Fox Sports seem to have set their elaborate analyses of how to sell the most pretentious ads for foul-tasting beers aside for a brief moment to consider the demands of clamoring hordes of baseball fans.

According to this article, Fox Sports and baseball are working together to reach an agreement that would put the first pitch of 2009 World Series games somewhere between 6:50 and 7:00 pm central time. They're also considering a late-afternoon weekend start (I assume this would be on a Saturday, what with football and all).

Commissioner Bud Selig seems pretty adamant about making this happen, possibly due to sacks of angry letters sent by 10-year-olds who have to go to bed before World Series games are over and more sacks of angry letters sent by old men who fall asleep in their chairs by the top of the 4th (usually around 9:30 or so). My dad, though not an old man, can attest to this. With the possible exception of the two years the Cardinals were in the World Series, I'm not sure my dad has made it through an entire World Series game in the last 10 years without conking out during a coaching visit to the mound or while Manny Ramirez has stood at home plate with his arms raised admiring a home run for minutes at a time (an incident that sometimes forces directors to cut to commercial during Ramirez's home run trot).

No word on whether or not this change will include all prime time postseason baseball, or just the World Series. If it is just the World Series, I guess that would be better than nothing. But let it be known that I have spent many an October morning a red-eyed husk of disheveled man, complete with eye-goo and 5 o'clock shadow after enduring a late-running playoff baseball game. Of course, it should also be known that I have spent many a morning the other eleven months of the year a red-eyed husk of disheveled man, complete with eye-goo and 5 o'clock shadow after playing too much Pac-Man, taking in a late night triple decker with cheese at Huddle House, or writing sports blogs. But those instances were the result of my own night-owlishness--millions of baseball fans should not have to put up with such a foolhardy endeavor just to watch nine innings of playoff baseball.

Remember--if a non-extra inning, eastern or central time playoff game is still in progress when late-night commercials for ShamWow and Girls Gone Wild videos start running, it started too late!

As such, I hope Commissioner Selig doesn't renege on his insistence on earlier start times for these games. And Fox, if you're not quite sure you want to preempt that episode of Two and a Half Men that's on during the 6:30 timeslot with the pre-game show, you're in luck--another episode of Two and a Half Men is on at 6:00. Everybody wins!

I also commend Fox on having another season of Fox Saturday Baseball begin in April at the start of the season, rather than waiting until after the All-Star break to start showing nationally televised games. I never did get that. I know it's a long season and all, but why not cover a sport you have the rights to cover?

Chris Carpenter's 7-inning, 1-hit outing on Thursday was a reassuring return to form for the ace. If he can just stay healthy this season, I have a feeling the Cardinals can win at least 20 games! If they scrape together 70 more, they could be a playoff team!

However, Albert Pujols' .500 batting average is unacceptable. I think we're going to need to see at least a .633 average with 200 RBIs for his season to be remotely successful compared to his effort last year. Come on, Albert--just seven hits in four games? I think we all know you're better than that.

Now, about that triple decker with cheese....