I'm a Uniform Snob

Because you demanded it (and by you, I mean the three people who have suggested it at some point or another), I'm covering uniforms this week. I'm a big uniform snob--I'm sure it has come up at some point in one of my sports blogs. In fact, I'm quite certain I've mentioned that I think the St. Louis Rams should go back to the classic yellow and blue uniforms and ditch the gold eyesores they wear these days. I thought about what I like and don't like about uniforms during the day today, and while I could probably go on for several pages about what constitutes a classy, professional, and attractive uniform, I thought it might be best if I touch on a few key uniform essentials that won't immediately put you to sleep.

First thing's first--I love home white uniforms. I know that in football, hockey, and frequently in pro basketball these days, the color of uniform a team wears at home is becoming more and more arbitrary. But for me, there's nothing quite like seeing the home team take the field in crisp, white home uniforms. This may just be a personal preference, as I tend to wear a lot of white clothing, myself. Yeah, they might be boring to some, but I find white home uniforms to be striking, professional, and something to be proud of.

On the other hand, I'm not a big fan of the drab road gray uniform. This goes for pretty much any baseball team. I know they're traditional and all, but to me, these things look like dingy old pairs of pajamas that got lost under the washer and dryer for a couple of years. The only problem is that I can't really think of an alternative. You see some teams like the Cubs and the Mets that have a blue or black jersey they sometimes wear on the road, rather than wearing all gray all the time. And that looks good and is a nice alternative, but then I think about the Cardinals. While I do think it would be pretty nice to see them wear a Cardinal-red jersey on the road, I don't know that I would be okay with them permanently switching to something like that--it almost seems like too much red. Nevertheless, the gray pajamas have gotta go.

However, when it comes to introducing new colors to the team's wardrobe, there are some guidelines to keep in mind. I really get irked when a team debuts black jerseys, especially when there is little or no black in the team's color scheme. Disappointingly, my Philadelphia Eagles are guilty of this--whereas I think wearing a kelly green retro uniform once a year would be really cool, they chose instead to introduce a black jersey, even though there is only a tiny bit of black trim in their standard uniform. The Duke Blue Devils basketball team also wears black every once in awhile, and they're the Blue Devils. I know the kids love black these days, and that's the point--nothing screams "Buy more jerseys!" to fans quite like introducing black jerseys when there is no black in the team colors.

On the other hand, but along those same lines, I do enjoy it when a team wears an alternate uniform every now and then. For example, the Cardinals' bird-on-the-bat logo caps they wear on Sundays would constitute an alternate uniform, as would the Brewers' retro uniforms they wear every now and then. These variations are great for breaking up the monotony of seeing the same uniforms over and over again, so long as they're not worn in excess. If teams can limit wearing their alternate uniforms to maybe Sundays and holidays, I like them. Wearing them too often just makes them another uniform in the normal rotation, and it sort of makes the alternate uniform lose its pizazz.

I don't like oversized and/or baggy uniforms. I love Yadier Molina, but man, his uniform is so big, he looks like he's about 12 years old when he's running around out there. I much prefer the tighter uniforms of the 70s and 80s, but without the t-shirt style jerseys. I generally like the style of today's baseball uniforms, just not the bagginess. Also, some of these guys wear their pants way too long--they'll be standing at the plate, and a lot of times they'll be standing on the bottoms of their pants! Personally, I like the stirrups and the high socks--especially if the socks are of the striped Memphis Redbirds style. I've been enamored with that look ever since Rick Ankiel first came up to the majors as a pitcher wearing them.

I'm going on too long with this. One last thing, and this is very important--player names have gotta be on the backs of jerseys. The Yankees never wear names on their jerseys, and teams like the Boston Red Sox and San Francisco Giants don't wear names on their home jerseys, but will wear names on their road jerseys. Guys, just put the player names on the jerseys already! I think this is another one of those things certain teams feel they have to do for the sake of tradition. That's all well and good, but I ain't memorizing all these guys' jersey numbers. I could do it if I wanted to, but I've got much better things to think about than making sure I have the Yankees' numbers memorized so I know when Melki Cabrera is at bat.

Although, my brother says he thinks they keep the names off of jerseys to scam more people into buying programs and/or scorecards at the stadium. Seems reasonable.

I have a good feeling this topic will be revisited in the future--there's just too much to discuss. In the meantime, let's hear it--what makes a good uniform in your eyes?