North Pole

Dear Santa,

Getting my Christmas wish list together and thought I would drop you a note.

Wow -- where to begin? It's been a pretty big year for me. As you know, I no longer have "assistant" in front of my title. I'm now in charge of all the front office elves here in St. Louis. I got to move into Mr. Jocketty's big office and everything. I found a few things here I'm not sure what to do with -- thought you may have a few ideas for me.

Know anyone who needs a dartboard with Jeff Luhnow's face on it? On the backside, looks like someone added a fairly recent picture of Mr. DeWitt. Whoever played with this side up sure hit a lot of bullseyes! Maybe Walt got in one last game before he left.

Sure wish I could enjoy a round of darts, Santa. But as I'm finding out, there's no time for GMs to play reindeer games. Less than two months into this thing, I'm getting hit by all sides. The fans are jumping down my throat, the media are all over my case and my manager just keeps on talking.

Heard about this one, Santa? Tony La Russa and Scott Rolen are going at it like Rosie and The Donald. Think the North Pole is cold? Try sitting in the same room with those two. I think I now have a pretty good idea what K-Fed and Britney's divorce attorneys went through.

Not sure who's being naughty or nice here -- maybe they both deserve a lump of coal.

I know this - Tony's not making my job any easier. Can you get him a horse bit for Christmas? I promise he can take it out once he gets to spring training. Besides, he can always donate the thing to ARF once he's done with it.

Here's something else I found in my new office: a three-year contract offer for David Eckstein that Walt and Tony had drawn up. Guess we don't need that anymore!

One thing I've noticed about my digs -- this place could sure use a few updates. I kept wondering why Kelly Clarkson's "Since U Been Gone" played on my radio all day and why a box on my desk read "Good Night, and Good Luck." At first, I thought it was a secret message from Walt. He even kept a 2005 calendar on his wall. But when I asked for an update, Mr. DeWitt gave me one for 2009. What does that all mean, Santa?

I don't have to tell you, Mr. Claus, how I love the holiday season. But I must admit, I'm feeling a little blue after my most recent shopping trip to Nashville. Don't get my wrong. The Opryland Hotel is a nice place and all and I had some pleasant conversations with my fellow GMs but there were times I felt like the ugliest girl at the dance. No one wanted to be my partner. To come back to Stadium Plaza without any presents was really depressing.

I was watching "The Grinch Stole Christmas" the other night. Remember that scene where The Grinch cleans out all the toys in Whoville and is stuffing the Christmas Tree up the chimney only to get busted by Cindy Lou Who?

"Why are you taking our Christmas tree, WHY?" Cindy asks. The Grinch explains to her, in a not so truthful way, that the tree is defective. No toys to play with and a malfunctioning tree. My, how a GM with no major deals done and a banged up roster can identify with that!

If ol' Ted Geisel were around today, he might describe our offseason to date something like this: "We've got LaRue, Iztu and Boo Who Who!"

Painful, but oh so true. Dear Santa, what to do, what to do?

I know some in Redbird Nation who pray, Mr. DeWitt's wallet will grow three sizes someday.

As for me, I'm not holding my breath. Nothing is certain except taxes and death.

So, Saint Nick, as you load up the packages and toys, for all the good Cardinals fans, the girls and the boys.

Don't forget Mo and my front office crew. Please bring us a hitter and a pitcher or two.

It doesn't matter where they come from --the West or the East. I just want to be smiling -- as I carve up my Christmas roast beast!

Your friend,

Johnny

P.S. I'll leave milk, cookies, and Rolen's waiver of his no trade clause on the kitchen table for you.